A dictionary/glossary/lexicon as sort of a cosmic, meeting of the minds, collaboration of the likes of Dan Webster, Sam Johnson, Ambrose Bierce, Hunter S. Thompson, Wm. F. Buckley, Grouch Marx, W. C. Fields and many more... even though its editors are obscure unknowns with dreadfully dangerous senses of humor. WARNING: This website may contain some slightly adult content - get parental viewing approval if you are 18 or under!

Showing posts with label s. Show all posts
Showing posts with label s. Show all posts

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Huggle

Bee Beard 2 image licensed under Creative Commons by Max xx

Huggle: The VERY unfortunate conflation of honey and smuggle.  Some executives have actually been charged with the allegations of honey smuggling and tainting it with antibiotics*.  One might be tempted to conclude that now the honey supply cannot be trusted much like the egg and dairy supply...

Can you imagine what the agency phone call was like? Riinnnggg: Hello, Special Crimes Unit, Bee and Honey Division. Actually, when that phone rings it sounds like a buzzing bee...

FOM: * US Indicts 11 Executives with Honey Smuggling (from BBC News), Honey, Honey Bee (from Wikipedia), Smuggling (from the Wikipedia), Memorandum from Senator Chuck Schumer on Honey

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Spontaneous Creation or The Big Splat

Image licensed under Creative Commons by MikeLicht, NotionsCapital

Spontaneous Creation or The Big Splat: According to the great Dr. Stephen Hawking, the creation of the universe occurred absent the presence of a god or goddess*.  Therefore, (not sure if we are quoting him or the BBC News) the creation of the universe was spontaneous.  We also (here at the AZD) now refer to it as "The Big Splat" (relative to the Big Bang) - kind of like a paintball or an egg being splattered against the fabric of space time.  And, there you have it!  But the godless creation of the universe seems somehow meaningless and purposeless.  One can only imagine a cartoonish god (like the Seth McFarlane god of 'Family Guy' or the Terry Gilliam god of 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail') splattering a great egg against the wall.  And where did the wall come from?

However, the argument could be made that absence of a Creator at the beginning does not rule out the existence of the same...

Incidentally, we can't wait for the great Stephen Colbert's take on this in his hilarious "Stephen Hawking is Such an *ssh#l@" segment.

FOM: *Stephen Hawking: God Did Not Create the Universe (from BBC News), REUTERS News Agency on the subject,  Anti-Time and SearchEdu.com on Spontaneous Creation

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Friday, August 20, 2010

Secure Redaction

Redacted Document image licensed under Creative Commons by jon.bell

Secure Redaction: So you thought you deleted that sensitive or possibly embarrassing information from your documents (WORD and PDFs)?  But, the NSA says you may not have.  You may have left traces of the sensitive information in your 'redacted document'.  Yes, they wrote a brief manual on a suggested procedure.  You can link to it here: http://wikileaks.org/w/images/7/75/NSA-redact.pdf

Please note: We found this interesting document while searching for the 'uncrackable insurance file' on Wikileaks.  This appears to be the link to the mysterious insurance file.

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Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Salmonella

Salmonella Did you know that over 200 million eggs have been recalled?  See our posting at this link. http://thelostcookbook.blogspot.com/2010/08/over-200-million-eggs-have-been.html



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Friday, August 13, 2010

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

MLKvBeck828

Image licensed under Creative Commons by DonkeyHotey

Updated: Friday, August 20, 2010*

MLKvBeck828:  When we left Twitter (yes, yes, we did! - we deactivated our account which makes it even more difficult to rejoin!), the one "trending topic" that we contributed to might have been the DC Rally planned by Glenn Beck (and his one follower?) for August 28, 2010 (Which is a Saturday, by the way...).  The hashtag for the topic/event became the now-infamous #MLKvBeck828 topic

It was unfortunate that this date was chosen by Mr. Beck and his one lone supporter (?) for the date of his rally as it coincides with the date of the late, great Martin Luther King Jr.'s March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom.  (Yes, even though this is a link to the Wikipedia page we urge you to visit it for its great External Links to the YouTube National Archives records of the march itself.)  Many tweeters - including ourselves, who view Mr. King as a prophet - saw this coincidence as an affront to the great man himself (Mr. King ~ not Mr. Beck) - perhaps even a racist affront. 

Apropos to the times, we tweeted some suggestions for preparing for The Rally, as well as making preparations for the G20 Protests which were happening in Toronto at the time.  Because some of our tweeps (Twitter friends) might still be planning to protest or counter-protest the 8/28 "event", we think some of the same preparations and precautions may be in order.  We will present some of those below.  Why?  Well, for one thing, the event does coincide with the day of the March on Washington of '63 - we expect many Americans to be insulted and will show up to express their outrage perhaps.  And by the way, there are still 40 unsold tickets to the Beck event!  HAH!

You may need some of the following items if you are a protestor or counter-protestor:

1) Handcuff Key  Please note: We do not approve, authorize nor endorse the use of these devices if you are under formal arrest by the police.  Once arrested YOU ARE OUT OF THE GAME.  However, the possession of the key does not imply resistance of arrest.  You should make it clear that it is for your own personal protection.  USE THE KEY ONLY IF YOU OR OTHERS ARE IN CLEAR OR IMMINENT PHYSICAL DANGER.  Fair use of the key is constituted if you are taken against your will by unauthorized persons or personnel. 

2) Nylon Tie Cutter   Once again Please note: We do not approve, authorize nor endorse the use of these devices if you are under formal arrest by the police. Once arrested YOU ARE OUT OF THE GAME. However, the possession of the cutter does not imply resistance of arrest. You should make it clear that it is for your own personal protection. USE THE CUTTER ONLY IF YOU OR OTHERS ARE IN CLEAR OR IMMINENT PHYSICAL DANGER. Fair use of the cutter is constituted if you are taken against your will by unauthorized persons or personnel.

Remember: Resisting arrest is a crime.

3) Spyderco Knife  Once again Please note: We do not approve, authorize nor endorse the use of these devices if you are under formal arrest by the police. Once arrested YOU ARE OUT OF THE GAME. However, the possession of the knife does not imply resistance of arrest. You should make it clear that it is for your own personal protection. USE THE KNIFE ONLY IF YOU OR OTHERS ARE IN CLEAR OR IMMINENT PHYSICAL DANGER. Fair use of the KNIFE is constituted if you are taken against your will by unauthorized persons or personnel.

IF ARRESTED YOU MUST BE FAIR TO THE POLICE AND AUTHORITIES BY ALERTING THEM TO THE PRESENCE OF A KNIFE OR OTHER POTENTIAL/ WEAPONS ON YOUR PERSON.  IT IS YOUR DUTY TO DO SO.  If you do not commit to this clause, you may be sanctioned by your internet community.

One other potential use for the Spyderco knife is that they have been reported for the use of cutting through seat belts.  This tool is also a potential life saver for persons trapped in a vehicle in a dangerous and life threatening situation. 

4) Copy of the United States Constitution.  Oh, we don't know, we just think it might be handy to have ~ or provide you with something to read if you should be in jail...

5) Gas Mask This should be obvious.  You will need it if the authorities decide they need to toss those canisters!  It will be worth having one just to see Mssrs. Beck and Palin having to don theirs - if they have one....It should be comical if Sarah and Glenn have to fight over who gets to wear the gas mask!  That should really give Becky something to cry about!  Also, an old remedy for tear gas is to urinate (we know, gross) on a handkerchief or other piece of cloth or linen.  This should then be placed against the mouth and nasal openings to prevent the effects of the tear gas.

Speaking of which, the Sarah Palin DIY mask might make a great fashion statement at the Rally!  Go team!

6) The Family Jewels You should consider having a cup just in case something should strike you in the groin - by accident or not.  You too ladies!

7) Body Armor Might come in really handy should things get really ugly...Serio, babe.

8) Head and Facial Protection If you decide to wear a Redskins helmet, just tell everybody without one that you're a really big fan!  But, seriously, you shold consider wearing a helmet.

9) Tear Gas or Mace: Might be illegal to have this on your person.  Not Recommended!  But, if you are in a jam, and without police protection, these could be lifesavers!

10) Life Jacket  Might come in handy if somebody decides to try and drown you in the reflecting pool...

11) Baton For police personnel only, but like (9), might come in handy in a pinch...  NOT TO BE USED AS AN OFFENSIVE WEAPON.  INFORM THE POLICE IF YOU HAVE ONE ON YOUR PERSON AND YOU ARE ARRESTED!

12) Portable Police Radio Might come in handy if you have to alert them to a dangerous situation!  Might also come in handy if you need to stay in contact with your group!  Of course, you should not forget your cell phone this day!

13) Identification: You might not want to forget it this day!  Think about Arizona...

14) NO FIREARMS!  None at all!  Do not carry at the Rally!  Forbidden!

15) Safety glasses or goggles Might be a good idea, too.

16) If we left anything out, you might want to consider the writings of Saul Alinsky or George Hayduke...or Hunter S. Thompson...

That all said, we hope you found the links informative or at least entertaining.

While we are still on the subject of Glenn Beck, you should catch the BookTV program about Common Nonsense: Glenn Beck and the Triumph of Ignorance by Alexander Zaitchik.  We found Mr. Zaitchik to be humorously petulant - even prickly - while discussing his book.  But, who can blame him?  He said that he had spent about a year wallowing in the "works" of Mr. Beck.  We got the sense from him that he considers Mr. Beck to be a truly alarming and dangerous individual.  Which causes us to warn you even further to carry some protective gear (mentioned above) should you be daring enough (or foolhardy enough?) to visit the Rally on 8/28/2010.   The Q&A session with Mr. Zaitchik was very good - those are usually a crashing bore if you catch the wrong BookTV program - if you know what we mean...  If we recall correctly, one of Mr. Zaitchik's main arguments is that Mr. Beck does not need Fox News for the increase and spread of his empire.  Despite all the vaunted advertising losses and evacuations from his program, he still has a $30 Million/year or so empire.  Apparently, Mr. Zaitchik does not see this stopping anytime soon.  You can find out more about Mr. Zaitchik at his website.  You might be able to find more at AlterNet.org.  (You might also want to see Mr. Zaitchik's commentary against Twitter).  Despite Mr. Zaitchik's attitude about Twitter and his apparent discomfort on BookTV, we think he is an important and rational voice and you might do well to heed him and his thoughts.

Oh! And there's more Beck news, see the Mother Jones Front Cover story in the July+August 2010 issue "The Golden Fleece - They Trusted Glenn Beck to Protect Their Nest Eggs.  He's Laughing All The Way ToThe Bank" (page 24).

If we left anything out, please comment!  Or please use the quick links below for a quick comment!  Thank you.
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Thursday, July 29, 2010

Snorting McChrystal?

Snorting McChrystal (or) Snorting Rolling Stones?





Updated: Saturday, August 21, 2010*



OK, the whole media world is talking about the sucker coup of Wikileaks (Bravo for them!) and their revelatory Afghan War Diaries leak/s.






The leak took place on or about July 25, 2010. And blame or responsibility has already been assigned to some, sorry to say, low-level US military personnel. A-Hem! Excuse us! Did everybody miss something here? Including The Daily Show and The Colbert Report?






What are we talking about? Hellooooo.... Didn't the US/ISAF General in Charge of the Afghanistan Operations/War just get sent down the tubes about one month ago? Speaking of tubes, is everybody in the media snorting "McChrystal" or some other finely powdered crystalline Class I narcotic? (Sorry, we apologize for the drug/humor reference/s, we know it is in poor taste).






Why did everybody else miss this? Does the world have ADHD? Is Mr. Derp now running Fox News?






Not to mention, therefore, isn't this all a result of that sh*tty tirade reported by Rolling Stone just this summer/spring? You be the judge.






What else is funky about this relationship? We're not saying the general had anything to do with the leaks, but the events are pretty closely related in time. A little too close.






And, when some top guy goes down for something - they sometimes like to leave behind a little 'Position Paper' on where their major activities stood prior to their departure? Is this all starting to sound familiar? Helloooo...






Does anybody remember Abu Ghraib and what happened to all the low-level torture clowns involved there - and then the commanding officer. You do remember the sequence of events in that scandal, right? Ahhh, we detect the odor of the same order of sequence here...






Not to mention, we did have a look at the reports that appear on the Wikileaks website. No, we haven't had time to read all of them. We're still sorting through the Pentagon Papers for G*d's Sakes! But, it is starting to look like the Pakistan-Taliban-US$ connection might be a little overblown. Only 4 known reports appear in the journal concerning finance from Pakistan or anywhere. As far as "hits" (assassinations) go, those were probably in all likelihood funded by the Taliban (with money from Pakistan or from poppy money - its hard to say for sure...). There were something like 48 reports on hits.






We have distilled some of the more "important" categories of reports from the Diaries and listed them below. Approach with caution. We did this in case Wikileaks runs out of funds (again) or gets mysteriously shut down and disappears... Meanwhile, our list, enjoy...










Oh, and something else, nothing shows you are winning the war like the number of enemy surrenders. Ahem, we have FOUR of them. Oh, and reported Food Distributions and Counter-Terrorism attack numbers were also weak; 4 and 1. ONE counter-terrorism attack? That "War on Terror" is going really swell isn't it Mr. Bush and Mr. Cheney?



(Oh, don't get us wrong - we love our troops and support those that do honorable service and some not so much, too).

Number of Assassinations reported in Wikileaks Afghan War Diaries: 48



http://wardiary.wikileaks.org/afg/sort/category/assassination_0.html







Number of Attacks reported in Wikileaks Afghan War Diaries: 2283


http://wardiary.wikileaks.org/afg/sort/category/attack_0.html







Number of Ambushes reported in Wikileaks Afghan War Diaries: 538


http://wardiary.wikileaks.org/afg/sort/category/ambush_0.html







Number of Counterterrorism Reports in Wikileaks Afghan War Diaries: 1


http://wardiary.wikileaks.org/afg/sort/category/counter_terrorism_0.html







Number of Drug Operations Reports in Wikileaks Afghan War Diaries: 8


http://wardiary.wikileaks.org/afg/sort/category/drug_operation_0.html







Number of (Enemy) Finance Reports in Wikileaks Afghan War Diaries: 4


http://wardiary.wikileaks.org/afg/sort/category/finance_0.html







Number of Food Distributions Reports in Wikileaks Afghan War Diaries: 4


http://wardiary.wikileaks.org/afg/sort/category/food_distribution_0.html







Number of IED Ambush Reports in Wikileaks Afghan War Diaries: 350


http://wardiary.wikileaks.org/afg/sort/category/ied_ambush_0.html







Number of IED Explosions Reports in Wikileaks Afghan War Diaries: 7202


http://wardiary.wikileaks.org/afg/sort/category/ied_explosion_0.html







Number of IED Found/Cleared Reports in Wikileaks Afghan War Diaries: 8581


http://wardiary.wikileaks.org/afg/sort/category/ied_found_cleared_0.html







Number of Mines Found/Cleared Reports in Wikileaks Afghan War Diaries: 396


http://wardiary.wikileaks.org/afg/sort/category/mine_found_cleared_0.html







Number of Mine Strikes Reports in Wikileaks Afghan War Diaries: 321


http://wardiary.wikileaks.org/afg/sort/category/mine_strike_0.html







Number of Murder Reports in Wikileaks Afghan War Diaries: 100


http://wardiary.wikileaks.org/afg/sort/category/murder_0.html







Number of Willing Recruitments detained Reports in Wikileaks Afghan War Diaries: 1


http://wardiary.wikileaks.org/afg/sort/category/recruitment_willing__0.html







Number of Poisonings Reports (attempted) in Wikileaks Afghan War Diaries: 1


http://wardiary.wikileaks.org/afg/sort/category/poisoning_0.html







Number of Enemy Sabotage Reports in Wikileaks Afghan War Diaries: 6


http://wardiary.wikileaks.org/afg/sort/category/sabotage_0.html







Number of Enemy/Unknown Surrenders Reports in Wikileaks Afghan War Diaries: 4


http://wardiary.wikileaks.org/afg/sort/category/surrendering_0.html





Please note: This posting appears simultaneously on our sister publication The American Political Handbook

*FOM: False Charges Made Against Mr. Assange?


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Sunday, July 11, 2010

The Bad Sea

Image licensed under Creative Commons by DigitalGlobe

Updated: Friday, August 20, 2010
The Bad Sea” should be a rather simplistic name reference to what is happening in the Gulf of Mexico and the antonym of the good earth (with apologizes to the late great Pearl S. Buck). Of course, to some folks, “bad” is an insufficient descriptor – what is happening may be a disaster or a catastrophe without measure. An entire coastline (from Texas to Florida) has been defaced, scarred or even destroyed. At this writing, more emergency measures are being desperately employed to cap the leaking underwater oil well. Lives and economies, and possibly an entire ecosystem have been destroyed. And it could possibly get worse – computer simulation models have predicted that the leaked oil spill will reach the Atlantic Coast.







And before it reaches the east – or Atlantic Coast – it will necessarily run along the Florida coastline. And the Everglades – and that should cause even the most insensitive folks to take pause. Why? – Because it truly is a unique place and ecosystem on this earth. It is the only place where one can find alligators and crocodiles habituating the same locale. There are, of course, many other animals that live there. Like the Everglades mink – this is now endangered. One gasps at the thought of having to clean up the Everglades when that fearful time comes – How would people clean that?






Of course, the sea life is threatened around the Gulf as well. Highlighting this dismal fact is the discovery of two previously unknown species of pancake batfish (Halieutichthys intermedius and Halieutichthys bispinosus). These two species were previously unknown until deep investigations of the area of the oil spill were taken. The obvious question is – How many previously unknown as well as known species could be lost due to this terrible disaster? In other words, the Gulf of Mexico, the Deepwater Horizon Oil Spill and just about everything that around it has been turned into a bad sea.

FOM: (Science Daily) The Oil Spill Plume,  Deepwater Oil Spill Heading for Atlantic Coast & Eastern Europe, (BBC NEWS) Russian Sub Could Stop Oil Leak, (Wikipedia) Deepwater Horizon oil spill and (Innocentive)
Emergency Response 2.0 : Solutions to Respond to Oil Spill in the Gulf of Mexico



07112010/2


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Monday, April 12, 2010

Jailbird Special

Jailbird Special: Whenever I fly on a prison-plane (just like the one in Con Air) this is how I like to get inevriated. (That’s inevriated – not inebriated – the unfortunate conceptual collision of aviation and inebriation). I prefer to make a “Jailbird Special”. A Jailbird Special is preferably made of prune wine, gel hand sanitizer and 7Up. Now of course you have to special make the prune wine in the prison toilet well before departure and liftoff. I usually prefer to store it in a used IV bag from the infirmary. The gel hand sanitizer is almost always available in the prison plane lavatory. Most dudes prefer just imbibing the gel sanitizer to get grunk . But, the Jailbird Special does add an element of ‘class’ and loser sophistication. You usually have to bribe a guard with a reacharound to obtain the 7Up – along with a martini glass.

(Please note: This is a humorous posting written for a project and not intended to represent anything from real life.)

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Wednesday, March 24, 2010

President Delta or The Six Second President

Image licensed under Creative Commons by crowolf

President Delta or The Six Second President: http://bit.ly/dqep2n Suggested nicknames for our current president - so-called with regards to the off-color catcalls mainly being delivered by disgruntled GOPers like a bunch of frat boys on live camera and video - the first president with a federally mandated six second delay to meet decency standards.  Also with regards to the infamous Delta House fraternity of Animal House - particularly during the student trial scene with muffled calls of 'Bl*w me. E*t me'....sigh...

Hugo: We could also call him 'OBleepa'.  AZD: Stop it...

FOM: Stupak on MSNBC Hardball: 'We Don't Need Personal Attacks'

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Monday, March 15, 2010

Shwitter


Twitter Paper Bird Toy Image  licensed under Creative Commons by Nereski

Shwitter: http://bit.ly/dnr9D0 The unfortunate portmanteau of shutdown and Twitter and/or the 4letter word for the release of biological waste...like what happened to Twitter yesterday...  What you call a social networking site when it takes a dump on you...

FOM: Some Users Experiencing Frozen Timelines (March 14)

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Sunday, March 14, 2010

Senator Chickenhawk

Image licensed under Creative Commons by r@nD0m_N1ckn@m3

Senator ChickenHawk: http://bit.ly/c6tXAr Wildly unfortunate and lurid suggested nickname for politicos that like little boys and little girls a little too much...

Updated/Revised, Monday, 15 March 2010: OK - danny6114 kindly reminded us that Chickenhawk is also the derisive term for politicos that are also warmongers yet actively avoid military service..., and he mentioned a certain Dick Cheney... its just that we and the media have put our focus on the apparently sex-crazed politicos whereas we have failed to reveal their hypocrisy on war and the military and things to numerous to mention here...  We should also mention that the epithet could also be applied to those politicos that appear to enjoy gunning down small helpless animals - and friends and family...

Updated/Revised Thursday, March 18, 2010:

FOM: Two candidates for governor had teacher certificates suspended — for misconduct with female students, He Nude HotTubbed with a Minor,  Kevin Garn , Mark Foley and Chickenhawk

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Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Chayota or Chaota


Chayota or Chaota: http://bit.ly/bkNWRX The unfortunate conflation of Chaos and Toyota (Motors)...The Japanese art of suicide by automobile...  With regards to the current media circus surrounding Toyota and its record number of (mainly safety-related) recalls and Congressional Hearings with Henry Waxman and Akio Toyoda and tearful testimonies such as that of Rhonda Smith...and Oy Vey!  Not to mention that the Toyota Scientific and Engineering and Maintenance Departments being in total chaos - every garage and every bay and every laboratory available is probably in 24/7 use right now ripping the sh*t out of the millions of vehicles in question.  *Japanese engineers and other employees once famous for being overworked probably now seriously contemplating seppuku during this massive fiasco.  Chaos.

Actually, speaking from experience from the working side of American automotive companies, we have genuine sympathy and empathy for the hell that the poor b*st*rds at Toyota are going through right now as we witness and write about this.  If we could, we'd be working right there with them, side-by-side.  It is just that awful. This is the Haiti and Tsunami 2004 of industry combined...even worse, figuratively of course...  Well, at least James Lentz and his colleagues haven't taken to leaping out of the highest floor of the Toyota HQ - at least not just yet...

*Actually, we're going to speculate on the real root cause of this issue - the layoff or non-hiring of the necessary engineers and scientists...sorry to say...

Bit.ly: http://bit.ly/bkNWRX

FOM: NBC's Link to Live Coverage of the Toyota Hearings

Revised/Updated: Friday, February 26, 2010

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Friday, February 12, 2010

Slowzer or Endzer



Image licensed under Creative Commons by CTRL-F5

Slowzer or Endzer: The unfortunate conflation of slow or "End Now" with browser.  What happens to your online experience when IE decides to take a nap or gives you the infamous "End Now Program Not Responding" BS panel.  Of course, MS has issued one of their infamous "patches" but that doesn't seem to work...  Yes, yes we know we should go with FireFox but thats not our choice to make...

Bit.ly: http://bit.ly/dlHYx6  

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Wednesday, February 3, 2010

CrimeSofties or JimHuggers


Image licensed under Creative Commons by SIR: Ponseyal: KNIGHT of the DESPONSYI

CrimeSofties or JimHuggers: The apparent paradoxical position of certain conservative pundits and politicos who seemingly embrace the now-discredited James O'Keefe post-Nixonian Landrieu-Gate attempted break-in and attempted illegal wiretap.


Bit.ly: http://bit.ly/b0FfXm


FOM: O’Keefe Toxic for the GOP? – MSNBC Countdown Tues, 2/2/2010http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3036677/#35209054

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3036677/#35208524





Please note: A similar - but longer post - appears simultaneously on our sister publication, The American Political Handbook.

Updated/Revised: Friday, February 5, 2010





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